When I ventured into motherhood some 11 years ago I totally freaked. Confidence was high as I carried my man-child in the womb. But once he finally made his entrance, via my birth canal, it was totally different. He had to be cared for beyond proper nourishment. I had to think about how I would raise him and guide him.
I cried a lot. I am sure much if it was hormonal. But there was a very real fear of my capabilities as a mother. One thing I was certain of at the time is that I would raise him completely different than my mom raised (or didn’t raise) me and my siblings.
And even now I question myself:
Have I been too open with him?
Have I shielded him too much?
Have I taught him gratitude?
Am I showing him enough attention?
I prayed nightly the first 6 years that God would help me be a better parent than I thought I knew how to be. Now I thank God daily for blessing me to be the parent of two amazing children who teach me SO much about LOVE and gratitude. I thank God for the gift of mothering because without it I would not be as courageous as I am growing to be. And the moments I sit back and watch the man-child spoil his little sister and protect her from the imminent danger of a fall on the carpet, I know that I have either taught him or given him the space to learn to LOVE.
THAT makes me a proud mama. That is the Universe letting me know that it was a divine plan for me to birth these precious miracles. it was a divine plan for ME to nurture them, raise them, guide them and ultimately learn from them the power and magnitude of a perfect LOVE.
And while I spent the earlier years of my son’s life focused on what NOT to do, I have now learned what I must do is continue to love them to the best of my ability. I know I can give them that.